My Current Heart Song & Why I Do What I Do

There is a song that I fell inlove with many years ago, before I ever referred to myself as an artist (which was something I never actually did until I created Guin and PenGuin Kisses when I was nearly 26 years old), as it beautifully and poetically described my relationship with music and deep love of guitar; it is called “Bleed” by Cold and features Aaron Lewis from Staind (I’ve always loved Aaron’s voice).

As much as I loved it, it has probably been a few years since I have listened to it, but out of nowhere, I thought of it a couple of weeks ago, immediately downloaded it from iTunes, and slapped it on repeat for awhile (I am listening to it now, actually). I realized that night that it has an even deeper meaning to me now, as I now relate to how I feel about my work. It explains not only why I create, but why I HAVE TO create. Crafting, sculpting, fiddling with bits, whatever one wants to call what I do, it is my love, my passion, the thing that makes my world feel a little steadier, whenever it feels as though the ground may give way. Art is not only how I naturally perceive the world and life around me, it is my coping mechanism. It is how I “bleed”. Please check out the video and/or download the song. You’ll find the lyrics posted directly underneath the video, so you can follow along ;)

On a side note, don’t ask me what’s up with the orchestra in ski masks, I’m wondering that myself. Whatevs, it’s a great song and I’m not here to judge, maybe it was cold that day. Anyhoo, back to it.

I’m feeling crossed
I take it inside
Burn up the pain
My thoughts are strange
Just like the things
I used to love
Just like the tree that fell
I heard it
If art is still inside
I feel it

I wanna bleed
Show the world all that I have inside
I wanna scream
Let the blood flow that keeps me alive

Take all these strings
They call my veins
Wrap them around
Every f****** thing

Presence of people
Not for me
Well I must remain in tune
My love is music for I will marry melody

I wanna bleed
Show the world all that I have inside
I wanna scream
Let the blood flow that keeps me alive

Won’t you let me take you
For a ride
You can stop the world
Try to change my mind
Won’t you let me show you
How it feels
You can stop the world
But you won’t change me

I need music
I need music
I need music to set me free
To let me bleed

I put in bold the parts that mean the most to me. The lyrics are a bit intense, but then again so are most of my emotions; which actually leads me to something that I’ve been tossing about for awhile now; I have a generalized theory that artists do not create out of choice, so much as they do out of necessity. Artists tend to feel things a bit differently than most others. We feel things so deeply that, just as a person needs to cry and scream ever now and again to maintain their sanity, we need to create something (not to imply that we create in place of crying, though I think sometimes that is the case). Our emotions are simply too large for us to express by “normal” means and this is why our work is so deeply personal. This is the difference between an Artist and Crafter. I am not saying that one is better than the other (at times I think the Crafter is more fortunate), just simply that there is a difference between the two. Crafters tend to do what they do because it is something to pass the time and it makes them happy. An Artist creates something because if they don’t, eventually they will probably have some sort of mental breakdown. We can’t really seem to function properly for very long without our work. I slowly began to clue into all these things after, a few years ago, I was at my husband about something and had been all around kind of crappy for a smidgen, and finally he said “Why don’t you just go and create something!” Well. That shut me up, more out of confusion than anything. So I asked, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” and that is when he proceeded to tell me that if I let things go for too long and didn’t make anything, I would essentially turn into a craphole (he didn’t call me that, that was just my assessment of myself). I thought about that for a minute and realized that he was absolutely right. Some people need medication and whatnot, apparently I just need clay, a paint brush, or some pretty beads, I guess.

Oh, and since some of my Lovlies may be curious about the “deep love of guitar” comment, I have had a guitar in my possession since I was 10 years old. Now, don’t go thinking that this means that I must be giving Kirk Hammet a run for his money by now, or anything. Unfortunately, I never took my playing to where I thought I would, and since my love affair with clay began, I have barely touch it’s strings, which I once considered to be an extension of my soul. Although I do not really play, I still believe that a piece of me resides in the resonating hum and caress of the sound of those metallic strings. This is also what I love most about Bach and the Baroque period of Classical music. It seems to be the period of music that has the most emotionally-driven, some will say “somber” and “haunting”, melodies that tend to be mostly carried out by cellos and violins, and yes, I have a thing for pretty much all instruments within the Strings category – growing up I wanted a harp like nobodies business ;)

Classical music is actually my greatest Muse and seemingly the only thing that can get me to focus, especially when dealing with business matters, where focusing on the task at hand is crucial. Therefore it it what you will usually find me listening to when I am making Guin. Hell, I’m even listening to it right now – Schinder’s List Violin Solo by John Williams to be more precise (this is a fantastic example of the kind of Classical that I am so inlove with). I am also a Beethoven lover. Fur Elise was the main reason I got into piano. I never went far with my lessons, my teacher wouldn’t even let me play around with tempos (even while she was out of the room! Pfft.) ruined it for me, but I can still play the most well-known part of that song and poke at my keyboard once in a blue moon. I actually still want an upright piano. I always loved Beethoven, but never quite as much as I did after watching “Immortal Beloved”, starring Gary Oldman (one of his best roles, in my opinion). If you haven’t seen it, I certainly recommend it. Actually, it’s available on Netflix (in Canada, anyhoo – not sure if there’s a difference or not) right now, for anyone who has it (love me some Netflix ;)).

Well, time’s a tickin’ away from me, so I best toddle off for now. Sweet dreams when you get there ;)