How My Brain Works & Random Musings On Being An Artist

The following was actually something that was a part of the first draft of the last post that I made, “My Heart Song – Why I Do What I Do”, but in the spirit of trying to stay relatively focused (or atleast make it appear that I am ;)) and keep things a little bit easier for everyone to follow along (I do realize that not everyone thinks like I do), that I would toss it into a whole other post and work from there. So here we go.

I do not look up at the clouds and actively try to put my imagination to work to see a bunny or a Chinese dragon, they are just there. For me, anything that can be left open to interpretation, clouds, fabric patterns, the patterns made by leaves on trees, artwork itself, etc., my brain just naturally finds images, sometimes entire scenes, and most of the time they are so vivid that I cannot understand why most others cannot see what I see, and furthermore that they usually see nothing but clouds and leaves. If none of that made any sense, then try to think of it like this; have you ever looked at a Magic Eye picture? Well, the world is pretty much like a giant Magic Eye to me and most people just see some sort of odd pattern, others move the book about until they see the intended image, and I just pick it up and see the boat, or whatever straight away. This basically makes the world one big shiny object to distract me and once I take note of just one “hidden image”, my brain runs away from me and finds other images, begins to create stories, and about 10 more ideas for Guin, a new creation entirely, or that I really want to learn Spanish. It wasn’t even really until recently that I even realized any of this. I never really bothered to think about it. I just knew somewhere along the way that I was quite different from most of everyone around me. I never quite understood why others could focus and I couldn’t. This was one of the main reasons that I did not do terribly well in school.

This makes me remember a time in grade 10 history, when my teacher assigned us a paper, and whatever our topic choices were I can’t remember, but I chose mythology and folklore and how it could relate to everyday life/history. I, as usual, handed it in late (I was a terrible procrastinator – I always said “I work better under pressure” *rolls eyes* that’s only somewhat acceptable if you hand your assignments in on time), so I lost points there and then some more because I made a mistake and put it in the wrong format (it was supposed to be a mock newspaper article and thusly in two columns – I just wrote it in a standard format, oops), but still I couldn’t understand why I only received 30%. So, I moseyed on up to her and asked what the hell was up (I’m actually very polite and prefer to avoid confrontation, so obviously didn’t say it like that, though internally, I was outraged). She proceeded to tell me “I gave you that mark because you plagiarized it from an encyclopedia, or something of the sort.”…..I couldn’t believe it and tried to assure her that I did no such thing and made sure that whatever was “taken” from anything was put into my own words, but to no avail and she essentially called me a liar. Defeated and furious, I went back to my seat to mentally slap the crap out of her. Eventually I decided to take it all as the most insulting compliment that I had ever received (that she thought that my writing was intelligent enough to make such an accusation) and made my beyond livid parents promise to leave the matter alone, as I knew that I would not ever get the “Oh! You didn’t? Well, my sincerest apologies, Amanda! I just thought that since you were a D student, that that meant that you didn’t know how to string a proper sentence together! My bad.” I wanted.

*Steps back from Memory Lane and muses* It’s funny, you know. There are so many things that I haven’t thought about in years that just keep coming back, bit by bit. I think it’s largely due to the fact that since I had my daughter, actually a bit before she finally arrived, I found myself compulsively analyzing my reasoning/motivations for pretty everything that I have ever done, do, or plan to do, since she’ll probably not be unlike me and will ask a million and one questions. Better to have some answers now, than to scramble for them later, or say “I don’t know” when I don’t necessarily have to.

On a bit of a side note, I’ve actually always been known for being very analytical/introspective. I was always watching myself and those around me, trying to figure out what makes us all tick, as both individuals and collectively, as Humankind. Not surprisingly, psychology was actually a great interest of mine for a long time and I even considered becoming a therapist for quite sometime, until I was about 13 (I was rather precocious as a child) and befriended a rather troubled individual, who was a compulsive liar. I quickly realized that I didn’t have the stamina to potentially deal with that sort of thing on a daily basis. God bless and be with those who can – I don’t know how you do it, but am thankful that you do/can.

Well, I think that’s enough rambly-tangent bits for me (and you ;)) – I really should stop trying to blog when I’m over-tired ;p Off I go and have a beautiful day ;)

Wishing You Well,


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